Seagoon: My name is Nedwood Seagoon the third. Like my father and grandfather before me, I run a shipping operation out of our home in Finchley. By the time of my father.s retirement, we had seventeen steamships plying the world.s oceans; bringing rubber from the Far East, diamonds from South Africa, coal from the South Pacific,. (sigh) much of which is still in our attic today.

Greenslade: You must have been a man of considerable wealth, Mr Seagoon.

Seagoon: Wealth, Greenslade? Wealth indeed! I owned sixteen warehouses, forty-two trucks, four construction yards and a very long piece of string. But with wealth comes responsibility.

Greenslade: Responsibility?

Seagoon: Oh yes. Those of us born to leadership feel a great obligation to lift the standard of living of those who serve us. Yes, many was the time you would find me at my Gentlemen.s club, standing alone at the window overlooking the ragged masses in the streets below, and throwing breadcrumbs down to them.

Greenslade: A man of honour, I see.

Seagoon: Yes, to the manor born, you would say. Nevertheless, on this auspicious day in August, I was at the window when Lord Flinge Thursby Crack-Noggen passed me the morning.s paper.


Seagoon: OW!

Flinge (Churchill voice): Sorry Seagoon, there was a fly on your collar. By the way, have you seen the article on page two about the Bank of England?

GRAMS: Unfurling rolled newspaper

Seagoon: Let me see. oh yes, I see interest rates are going up. And further down it says that the bank charges are to be raised. and that investors are being asked to extend their loans for a further two years. Why the change, Lord Flinge?

Flinge: just been robbed of every penny they have.

Seagoon: Good heavens. Could this mean a recession?

Flinge: For the bank, yes.

Seagoon: I shall have to inform my accountant. .

GRAMS: loud scratching noise, as if on glass

Seagoon: . I say, who is that scratching at the window out there?

Flinge: Looks like two men carrying a big bag of money.

Moriarty (far away): Let us in!! Help !! Let us in!!

Seagoon: (calling) Quick! Throw the bag through the window!

GRAMS: BBC window breaking

Seagoon: Now give me your hands. Hup!

OMNES: (straining noises)

Moriarty: Ah there, safe at last!

Gritpype: Permit me to introduce myself and my heavily-oiled friend. We are Hercules Gritpype Thynne and the Count Jim Moriarty, formerly of the Bank of England.

Seagoon: Oh? Are you in charge of the money?

Gritpype: We are now.

Seagoon: And who are those uniformed men down there in the street?

Gritpype: (pauses) Oh that? That is our police escort.

Seagoon: Oh I see, V I Ps!

Gritpype: Yes, yes.

Seagoon: And those police dogs gnawing at your ankles?

Gritpype: Gifts from the Bank Managers on the occasion of our retirement.

Seagoon: And that huge sack of money spilling coins onto our carpet?

Gritpype: Oh that? Merely a sample of English coinage for the Count to add to his collection upon his return to France.

Seagoon: But there must be over a million pounds in that sack!

Gritpype: One million three hundred and twenty-five thousand two hundred and fifty-three pounds, seventeen shillings and sixpence, to be precise.

Seagoon: Good heavens! Exactly the sum of money reported missing from the Bank this morning.

Gritpype: Yes, a delightful coincidence, wouldn.t you say, Moriarty?

Moriarty: Aow, Sapristi, yes. It.s extraordinary that the Bank could lose exactly as much money as we withdrew this morning, and at exactly the same time.

Gritpype: Wonders will never cease, hah-haaa.

Seagoon: And what brings you to the Gentleman.s Club?

Gritpype: An experiment, Neddy. You see those police officers waving their truncheons at us from across the street?

Seagoon: Yes

Gritpype: They are helping us to examine a theory that the Count and I are developing, which is that men run faster when they are accused of a bank robbery. So far it seems to be working, wouldn.t you say, Moriarty?

Moriarty: Absolutement, Monsieur. We have been running nonstop since we left the Bank this morning.

Seagoon: Good heavens! But that.s thirty miles from here.

Gritpype: Yes, a new land speed record I believe.

Seagoon: Gentlemen! What remarkable good luck you decided to come here. .

Gritpype: Not luck, Neddy. There was a police roadblock at the end of the street.

Seagoon: How wonderful for us then. Now listen, gentlemen. I was having a lively discussion with Lord Flinge here, just this morning, about the amount of time it might take a man to travel around the world using the benefits of modern technology. If I understand you correctly, it would seem that being pursued by the police might enable a man to travel around the world much faster than ever before. Is that so?

Gritpype: (long pause) Did you say your name was Charlie?

Seagoon: No, I.m Ned Seagoon.

Gritpype: Well, I.m sure that will do. Around the world, you say.. I say, Moriarty, we should help the gentleman, shouldn.t we.

Moriarty: (panicky) What are you talking about Gritpype?

Gritpype: (softly) Shhh.. My plan. (aloud) Ah, Neddy. It is widely believed that this sackful of money you see on the floor here was involved in a bank robbery this morning.

Seagoon: No!

Griptpype: Yes! And furthermore, this salacious piece of gossip has infiltrated the police headquarters and inspired those uniformed officers in the street to believe that they can apprehend the perpetrators by following the bag wherever it goes.

Seagoon: You mean, if I take this bag with me around the world, the police will follow me?

Gritpype: Absolutely, Neddy.

Seagoon: And because they are chasing me I will be able to complete the journey in record time?

Gritpype: Oh yes, without a doubt.

Seagoon: (pause) How long do you think it will take?

Gritpype: Oh I don.t know.. eighty days, perhaps?

Seagoon: Right. Lord Flinge? I.m prepared to bet you seventeen warehouses, forty-two trucks, four construction yards and a very long piece of string that we can circumnavigate the world with this bag of money in eighty days.

Flinge: a brave lad, Seagoon. Shall we draw up a contract?

Seagoon: No need for a contract, Flinge. A gentleman.s word is his bond.

Gritpype: You silly twisted boy, you.

Seagoon: Now give me your hand and we.ll shake on it. You first, Flinge.

Flinge: (silly noise)

Seagoon: And now me. (same silly noise) Right! Now the time by my watch is a quarter to needle-nardle-noo. Messenger boy? Have my valet meet me in fifteen minutes at the dockyards with a change of underwear and a pot of tea. (grandly) off to see the world!!

ORCHESTRA: Ascending chords (da da-da daaaa..) fades into shipyard noises

Seagoon: Within half an hour I was on-board a steamship and ready to sail. Gritpype.s bag of money worked exactly as he had predicted: by the time the ship sailed, the entire London Police Force had taken up residence in the cabins around me, the Royal Navy was firing shots across our bow and a police cordon had been suspended across the English Channel.

Willium: Excuse me, Sir.

Seagoon: Good heavens, it.s a Police Sergeant, up from the lower decks! What do YOU want?

Willium: Well you may ask, mate. Seein.s as there.s nowhere to hincarcerate you on board the ship, me and the boys figured we could spare ourselves a lot of bother if we stops chasing you until we disembark.

Seagoon: What? You intend to shirk your responsibilities as an officer of the Queen.s police force? Have you no morals, man?

Willium: Course I got morals, mate. All officers of the British Constabulary is issued with morals when they joins the force. Only the English Channel.s not part of our jurisdiction.

Seagoon: Oh, I see. So you.d be breaking British law if you upheld British law outside of Britain?

Willium: S.right, mate. An. we .aven.t .ad our .alf day off this week and we got a long weekend comin. up.

Seagoon: This is terrible. I can.t have the entire British constabulary unpaid and on duty while not upholding the law. Here.

Willium: Ohh.what.s that, mate?

Seagoon: That.s two thousand pounds to support you and your men for the rest of the journey. But make sure you continue not-arresting me until we arrive! I.ll not pay for any shirking.

Willium: Oh, thank you, mate. And may I say it.s an honour to be not-arresting a gentleman of such decency, mate. I.ll go down and tell the lads to take the police dogs outta yer wardrobe. (shouts, fading) Okay boys..

Greenslade: Meantime, in a tearoom down by the waterfront, surrounded by a teapot, two gentlemen are in conversation.

Moriarty: (softly) Gritpype, what is the plan for this deluded English pudding-muncher?

Gritpype: Very simple, Frog-eater. While the police are engaged chasing Seagoon to France, we simply slip across the English Channel, unnoticed in our rubber dinghy. Once there, we simply await Seagoon.s arrival and switch bags on him. (Begins to sing) April in Paris.. (continues under)

Moriarty: Sapristi yakakakoo, Gritpype. Seagoon is not going to France!

Gritpype: (singing stops) What!?

Moriarty: That.s what I said. He.s heading for the Americas!

Gritpype: Curse! He must have decided to go the other way. That means we shall have to help him evade the police for the entire journey, and get the bag off him when he returns to London.

Moriarty: But how can we arrange that? We haven.t enough money to follow him.

Gritpype: Don.t worry, Frog-Eater. I have a contact in New York who will be able to assist us. Do you know Morse code?

Moriarty: I speak it like a native.

Gritpype: Then take a message: .Ned Seagoon pursued by police across the Atlantic..

Moriarty: Beep bee bee beep bee beep..

Gritpype: Imperative you get him safely off the ship..

Moriarty: bee beep beep beep bee bee bee beep.. Slow down I can.t keep up.

Gritpype: . and keep the police off his trail.. Have you got that?

Moriarty: (panting) Yes.

Gritpype: Then tie those sound effects to the legs of this carrier pigeon and address it to the British Consulate, New York. Attention, Major Bloodnok:

Orchestra: Bloodnok Theme

GRAMS: flatulent noises

Bloodnok: Aeiugh!  Never again on an empty stomach! Aeiugh!

Ellington: Major Bloodnok, Sir, there are four hundred police officers here to see you.

Bloodnok: AEIOGH! Quick! Burn all the books and hide me!

Ellington: No, Sir, you don.t understand. They say captured a notorious bank robber and have come to hand him over to you.

Bloodnok: (pause) In that case, send the coward and his money in.

GRAMS: Door opens. Thumping noises, voices arguing as if in a struggle. (held under)

Seagoon: Take your hands off me, you ruffians! I.m a gentleman.

Bloodnok: So, robbed a bank have you?

Seagoon: I deny the charge.

Bloodnok: So where.s the money you didn.t steal?

Seagoon: Here in this sack; every penny of it.

Bloodnok: Let me take a look. Ellington? Grab one end, now.. hup!

GRAMS: Millions of coins spilling onto wooden floor

Bloodnok: Good heavens! There must be over a million pounds in this sack!

Seagoon: One million three hundred and twenty-five thousand two hundred and fifty-three pounds, seventeen shillings and sixpence, to be precise.

Bloodnok: Aeiough! How wonderful. Just shovel it behind me desk will you, Ellington? Thank you. And now to the criminal. What did you say your name was?

Seagoon: I didn.t.

Bloodnok: Oh come now, you don.t expect me to believe you have a name like that, do you?

Seagoon: I don.t

Bloodnok: That.s better. Now Mr I-don.t, ..

Seagoon: (defiantly) I.m Nedwood Seagoon the third, of the Seagoon Shipping Corporation, Finchley.

Bloodnok: What? Ned Seagoon? Just a minute. Aren.t you the fellow that Gritpype-Thynne has tricked into carrying a sackful of stolen money around the world under the pretext of winning a silly bet so that he can get the money into Paris, unseen?

Seagoon: Yes, that.s me.

Bloodnok: In that case, I must hold you here for further questioning. As for the four hundred police officers standing in my office, .Get out of here immediately!!

GRAMS: Whacking, as if with a stick.

Bloodnok: Go on, get out of here, you lot

GRAMS: Door slams

Bloodnok: Now listen, Neddy. Gritpype-Thynne has asked me to help you escape from police custody, and by thunder that.s what I.m going to do. So hop into that empty sack holding and I.ll tie you up. There! Now, Ellington? Take this sack down to the stage coach and send it off... (grandly) .to California!

ORCHESTRA: Grand Western Movie music

GRAMS: Stage coach noises; cracking of whip, horses running, wheels rumbling, someone shouts .Giddap there!.

Henry: Have you seen this article in this morning.s newspaper, Minnie? It says that the Bank of England has been robbed.

Minnie: Robbed, Henry?

Henry: Yes, Min. And the public are advised to be on the lookout for a man three feet tall and four feet in diameter, disguised as a sack of money, who escaped from police custody yesterday.

Minnie: Ohh. a man on the run, Henry.

Henry: Yes, Min, only in this case I think he has to roll. We must be vigilant, Minnie.

Minnie: Vigilant, Henry? What does vigilant mean?

Henry: It means we must not take anything for granted. We must be alert at all times.

Minnie: Yes. yes, Henry.

Henry: Well, good night, Min.

Minnie: Are you going to bed, Henry?

Henry: No, Min, this is a stagecoach. I.m just going to rest my head against this big sack of money on the seat next to me. Well, good night.

Seagoon: Good night.

Minnie: Oooyoooh! Henry!

Henry: Yes, Min?

Minnie: I don.t want to alarm you, Henry .

Henry: Ohh, thank you Minnie. Good night.

Minnie; No Henry. Let me finish what I want to say.

Henry: Well, please be quick about it Min because already got my pajamas on and I really am very sleepy, you know.

Minnie: Yes, Henry. But that sack on the seat next to you?

Henry: Yes, Min?

Minnie: (whispers) I think there.s a man inside.

Henry: Ohh! How do you know, Min?

Minnie: Because it.s reading the newspaper.

Henry: Reading the newspaper, Min? Come now. A tied-up sack can.t read a newspaper. Perhaps the newspaper is just lying on top of it and it looks like the sack is reading it.

Minnie: No, Henry. It.s holding a pencil and doing the crossword.

Henry: I.d better have a look. Ohhh! Goodness me.

Seagoon: What is it?

Henry: Four across is .Archipelago..

Seagoon: I say, right. Thank you very much.

Henry: welcome, Mr Sack.

Minnie: Ohh, you silly old man, Henry! What.s the matter with you?

Henry: Nothing, Min, the word was definitely Archipelago.

Minnie: NO HENRY!! The man in the sack!!

Henry: What about him, Min?

Minnie: Needle nardle noo, Henry, he.s the bank robber!!

Henry: Oh no, no, no, MIn. Let.s not jump to conclusions. You can.t be suspicious of people just because they tie themselves up in a sack. After all, it.s not the first time travelled in a coach next to a man tied up in a sack. Do you remember that time we went to visit Uncle Oscar?

Minnie: Yes, Henry. But that was New Years Eve and we were all tied up in sacks.

Henry: I know, I know. Perhaps he.s just a little confused and thinks that it.s New Years Eve.

Minnie: Well, ask him and find out!

Henry: Very well then, Min, I will. Excuse me, Sir?

Seagoon: yes?

Henry: Is it New Years Eve?

Seagoon: Yes, I believe it is.

Henry: Ohhh, I see. Get your sack on Min, it.s New years Eve!

Minnie: Whoopee!

Together: (sings) Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind, we.ll drink a cup of kindness shared for the..

GRAMS: Party whistles blowing, soccer ratchets, firecrackers go off, interrupted by loud knocking.

Eccles: (a bit far off) Stop all that noise down there!

Henry: Ohh... it.s the driver.

Eccles: I can.t concentrate.

Seagoon: Eccles! Since when have you ever been a coach driver?

Eccles: Since this morning. I got promoted!

Seagoon: You? Promoted? From what?

Eccles: I used to be one of the horses, ahohoho.

GRAMS: Indian war whoop, from far away

Seagoon: Good heavens! being attacked!

Minnie: Oh mercy save us! We.ll all be murdered in our beds!

Seagoon: Don.t panic, Miss Bannister. Perhaps we can outrun them. Driver?

Eccles: Yeah?

Seagoon: See if you can outrun them!

Eccles: Okay.

GRAMS: Footsteps off into distance

Seagoon: He.s run away! And the enemy are almost upon us. Good job he left the coach on autopilot.

Henry: Who are they? Comanche?

Seagoon: No.

Henry: Apache?

Seagoon: No.

Henry: Navaho?

Seagoon: No.

Henry: Who then?

Seagoon: The London Police Department!

Henry: Then you ARE a bank robber!

Seagoon: Yes. I mean, no. They think I.m the bank robber because I.m pretending to be one but in actual fact I.m not. I mean .

GRAMS: War whoops up close. Crashing noises.

Seagoon: (fading away, shouts) It.s complicated!!!...

GRAMS: More war whoops, horses galloping

ORCHESTRA: Slow rhythmic banging of drum

Greenslade: Seagoon was taken off into the desert, where he was tied to a stake and interrogated.

Willium: Now, then, Lord Seagoon.

Seagoon: You can.t arrest me. not on British soil!

Willium: Oh yes it is. It says .ere on this Dutch sales docket dated 1642 that America belongs to the British Monarchy.

Seagoon: (laughs) Oh but that was years ago. There.s been a revolution since then. You know, Yankee Doodle and all that?

Willium: (pause) Your not .avin. me on are yer?

Seagoon: Not at all. See here on this Declaration of Independence, 1776. See all those signatures at the bottom? All genuine, I assure you.

Willium: Let me .ave a look. Cor blimey, struth, lads .e.s right. Looks like we.ll .ave to let .im go. Lord Seagoon, on be.alf of the London Police Force, I apologise and look forward to arrestin. you somewhere more British next time. We.ll be keepin. that sack of money, however.

Seagoon: Oh that? Ha ha ha. Keep it if it helps you. Ha ha ha ha. Farewell!

GRAMS: Footsteps running off into distance

Minnie: (long pause) Henry?

Henry: Yes, Min?

Minnie: Do you still think it.s New Years Eve?

Henry: I don.t know anymore, Min. I.m quite confused by all of this.

ORCHESTRA: Fade into oriental theme

Seagoon: Three weeks later, I arrived in the Pacific town of San Francisco. So friendly were the residents that I was able to get myself tied up in a sack again and hurled onto a refuse barge headed for Yokohama, Japan.. To pass the time, I began reciting Shakespeare.s sonnets to myself. Steadily this grew into acting out entire plays. First Hamlet, then Romeo and Juliet, then Richard the Third. I performed five nights a week,  the other two nights required for repairing stage props, altering costumes and counting box office earnings. Box office, get it? Hah haha ha ha. ahem. I was about to begin casting interviews for .The Merchant of Venice. when suddenly.

GRAMS: Tearing noises

Yakamoto: Who is that in there making all that Shakespearean noise? Ohh, it is English gentleman with paint on face and dressed as beautiful woman.

Seagoon: Yes. (loud voice)  .The quality of mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven. because all the world.s a stage and all the men and women merely players.. Hark! What light through yonder window breaks?

Yakamoto: Ah you are raving idiot, yes?

Seagoon: (downtrodden) Yes, ahem. Now tell me, is this Yokohama, Japan?

Yakamoto: Ah, yes, this Yokohama, Japan.

Seagoon: Good. Then help me out of this sack, would you?

Yakamoto: Okay-dokey. But before I do, I must warn you something.

Seagoon: what.s that?

Yakamoto: There are four hundred honourable English policemen surrounding box, waiting merrily for you to come out.

Seagoon: What? No! Don.t untie the string! Don.t .

Willium: Alright, lads, in yer go!

Seagoon: (screams) Ahhh!

GRAMS: sounds of s scuffle

Seagoon: Quick, Mr Postmaster, tie the top of the sack again.

Yakamoto: Okay-dokey

Willium: .ere, you up to, Lord Seagoon?

Seagoon: I.m turning the tables on you, Sergeant. Now all MY prisoner! (laughs smartly) (shouts) Postmaster? Put a stamp on the sack and drop us through the mail chute.

Willium: we goin?

Seagoon: To Bombay, India!

ORCHESTRA: Chase music

Greenslade: Two weeks later, at the post office in Bombay.

GRAMS: tearing noises

Lalkaka (Sellers): Oh what is this indeed, man, that I am seeing with my unbelieving eyes?

Singhiz Thing (Milligan): Can it be four hundred bearded and undernourished English Police officers all holding the neck of one notorious English Bank Robber?

Seagoon: Let go of me, you fools! I.m not a bank robber!

Willium: Then why do you keep running away from us?

Seagoon: So I can travel around the world in under eighty days, a feat never before achieved in the whole of human history.

Willium: You mean not a bank robber?

Seagoon: No I.m not a bank robber.

Willium: Cor, then it.s .appened again.

Seagoon: what.s happened again?

Willium: Well, mate. Every time I arrests someone for a serious crime, they tells me they.s not the ones what did it, and I .afta let .em go, you see. Been on the police force twenty years now and never been able to arrest anyone yet.

Seagoon: Good heavens. Then what makes you stay in this job?

Willium: Well, you meets the nicest people, mate. Always plenty o. people to tell a policeman where to go and what ta do when .e gets there.

Seagoon: I see.

Willium: But .ang on a minute, Lord Seagoon. If you isn.t the guil.y par.y, then what.s you doin. with this sack from the Bank of England, eh?

Seagoon: That sack was given to me by Gritpype-Thynne and Moriarty. And it.s just dawned on me that they would only do that if they were bank robbers themselves. My god, played me for a fool!

Willium: Really? .ow does it go, then?

Spriggs: (sings) played him for a fooo..ooool!

Seagoon: Yes, played me for a fool. But I.ll see that justice is upheld. Sergeant Willium?

Willium: Yes, mate?

Seagoon: I think I can arrange for you to make the first arrest of your career.

Willium: Oh, mate.

Seagoon: So get back in the sack. Go on! Now get your head down, I.m going to prepare a surprise for Gritpype and Moriarty. I.ll soon have them singing a different tune

Spriggs: (sings) Singing a different . tuuuuuuu.une!

Seagoon: (laughs) Hahahaha.

GRAMS: running footsteps, fade into distance

Lalkaka: That was verily a most fascinating spectacle to behold, Mr Thing.

Singhiz Thing: Oh yes man, I am bamboozled in the extreme by what has before our eyes transpired. Four hundred policemen arrive in a sack, a burglar climbs out and politely tells the policemen to stay inside. Then he carries the sack off into the distance.

Lalkaka: Oh man, it is conduct such as this that proves to us how it comes to be that the British Empire rules the world, I tell you man.

Singhiz Thing: Oh yes indeed it is true. My humble desire is that one day some great men will see the value in tying us up in a bag too and carrying us off into the distance..

GRAMS: Loud cacophony of Indian festival music, held under

Greenslade: Outside the building, Seagoon found to his horror that the streets were choked with crowds celebrating a local religious occasion. The railway station was closed, as was every other means of transport out of India.

Seagoon: I.m trapped! Will no-one help me get back to England?

Bluebottle: I will help you get back to England! A heeheehee.

GRAMS: Crowds cheering

Bluebottle: Enter Bluebottle wearing loincloth made from Mum.s shower curtain. Hello, everybody! All ready for the game.

Seagoon: Dear listener, I looked down upon a knotted towel with two spindly legs and a torso protruding from it.

Bluebottle: Nay, nay! Tonight I am Bluebottle the elephant boy! With my toes tucked behind the ears of an helephant, I can make him do anything I want. Watch!

Orchestra: Drum roll.

Bluebottle: Up, Caesar!

GRAMS: Elephant trumpet

Bluebottle: Over to that piano

GRAMS: Elephant blast

Bluebottle: Begin to play!

GRAMS: Elephant blast

Piano: tea for two

Seagoon: Good heavens! A piano-playing elephant. How did you manage to teach him that?

Bluebottle: I used the Suzuki method!

Seagoon: Absolutely fantastic. Do you think you can get him to carry me and my luggage to London?

Bluebottle: Of course, he can. Great Caesar can do anything!

Seagoon: Can he get me there in five days?

Bluebottle: What? Five days, Captain? It is not possible.

Seagoon: Why not?

Bluebottle: He has a piano lesson tomorrow.

Seagoon: Tell him to bring his music along and we.ll make him practise along the way.

Bluebottle: Alright then. Caesar?

GRAMS: elephant blast

Bluebottle: To London, ho!

GRAMS: Chase music.

Greenslade: The scene changes now to the Gentlemen.s Club in London.

Gritpype: According to my calculations, Moriarty, Lord Seagoon will arrive ... now!

GRAMS: fade in piano playing .Tea for Two.. Screech as in car brakes.

Seagoon: There we are. Bluebottle? Put tuppence in the parking meter, would you?

Gritpype (a little far off): Welcome back, Neddy. Did you have a nice trip?

Seagoon: Yes, Griptype, and I have a present for you inside this canvas bag.

Moriarty: Ohyow, Griptpype! He.s brought the money back! Money, money, money.Give me the knife, Gritpype and I.ll cut the bag open. There!

GRAMS: Policeman.s whistle blowing.

Willium: Hands up, you two. under arrest.

Moriarty: Owwww! been tricked! The London Police Force is in here.

Willium: Gentlemen, I.m charging you with breakin. and enterin. a bank outside of office hours and nickin. over a million pounds without the express written permission of the Bank Manager.

Moriarty: Ohwow, Gritpype, I told you we should have kept the receipt!

Gritpype: Curses! Foiled by a piece of paper and a very bad script. You win, Seagoon.

Seagoon: (proud laugh) Hahahaha. let that be a lesson to you. Take them away, Sergeant.

Willium: Yes, mate. I suppose I will. Come on now. (voice fades off)

Seagoon: (Laughs). Now to win my bet.

GRAMS: knock on door

Butler: Yes, Sir?

Seagoon: I.m Lord Nedwood Seagoon the third, of the Seagoon Shipping Coroporation and come to claim my reward for circumnavigating the world in eighty days!

Flinge: Did you say eighty days, Seagoon? Today.s the eighty-first.

Seagoon: Ah yes, Lord Flinge. But if you remember Jules Verne.s novel, by crossing the international date line, we have one extra day up our sleeve.

Flinge: Yes but you crossed it going the wrong way, Seagoon. actually lost a day.

Seagoon: What, what, what, what, what, what, what?

GRAMS: Phone rings

Griptpype (electrified): You silly twisted boy, Seagoon.

GRAMS: Click

Seagoon: But this is terrible! lost everything. Everything! (pause) I say, Lord Flinge. a sporting chap. How about double or nothing?


Greenslade: That was the Gon Show.